Fear

Fear is something that I used to really struggle with. I say "used to" because God has not given us a spirit of fear--we have victory over that....but every now and then I forget about the victory. Every now and then I start to feel this little twinge of doubt, the dark shadow of fear creeping into the back of my thoughts....

The other night we were lying in bed and Enoch asks me, out of the blue, "Marissa, what am I going to do in Cambodia?" So I answer him, listing off all of his gifts, naming the various needs of our ministry, trying my best to be comforting. And it seems to satisfy him. But I sense a shadow in my mind. What are we going to do? What if they don't need us? What if we're in the way and we're more trouble than help? What if we hate it? What if it is miserably sticky without relief, and lonely, and the food is yucky, and there are spiders and snakes all over the place, and the children don't like us, and we can't understand anyone and nobody can understand us and we can't understand God and we can't hear Him and..... I stop and remember that God called us to go. I remember the confirmations. I remember that we're in His hands. And I fall asleep.

Maybe two days ago we were watching a teaching video and this guy was illustrating spiritual truths with an eagle. The preacher says that when eagles are pairing up to mate, the male has to pass a series of tests in order to gain the approval of the female. One test is that the two fly thousands of feet up in the air, the male circling the female and the female carrying a stick. After a time, the female drops the stick; the male's test is to dive down, flying faster than the stick is falling, in order to retrieve it.

The speaker says that scientists puzzle over why the female chooses this particular test, but that he has studied the birds and he thinks he knows the reason for the peculiar behavior. When young eaglets are big enough to learn to fly, they are often reluctant to do so. The mother bird takes them out of the nest one by one, carrying them on her wings. The father flies close by, circling overhead. When the mother senses that the time is right, she tilts her wings, dropping the young from her back. The young birds flutter and fall closer to the ground. Sometimes, the eaglets hold their wings just right and catch the wind, floating, soaring. Othertimes, they struggle and continue their plummit...but their father is there and he can fly faster than they can fall. The male dives and catches his children in his mighty talons, bringing them back to the safety of the mother's back.

The speaker then applies the illustration to our lives as Christians. Some of us are perfectly happy in our nest; it is comfortable there. We don't have to worry about our food, because we are fed by others. We don't have to worry what we're going to do or when we're going to do it, because we just stay in place where everything is familiar. And this is good...for a season. But eventually it is time for us to step out on our own. It is time to feed ourselves, and eventually to feed other eaglets. In our life, it is time for Enoch and me to move into the ministry which God planned for us. It is time for us to grow up, spiritually speaking. We have just been sitting back and letting everyone else feed us spiritual food, while God has called us feed others. It is a little scary to leave the nest, but our Father is watching...and if we fall, He can fly even faster.